An "expensive" bridal gift ( Mahr) and Prophet Musa AS

Many Muslims view the Mahr (the bridal gift) as an unnecessary obstacle for men seeking marriage. Numerous scholars rightly criticize parents who demand exorbitant sums for their daughters' Mahr, placing undue financial strain on prospective grooms. 

Allah SWT called the bridal gift Saduqah (صَدُقَة ) which is a bridal gift denoting صِدق - sincere intentions of a man to marry a woman. We always hear from sheikhs that the best mahr is minimal and as little as possible because this is "Sunna", while citing the hadith "the best Mahr is the simplest."

HOWEVER, this was in the context of the Sahabah who knew one another and who had a Prophet SAW who was guided by Allah SWT in their affairs. Therefore it overlooks an important context: the practice of the Sahaba (RA) occurred within a close-knit community where mutual trust and piety prevailed, and where the Prophet (SAW)—guided by divine wisdom—oversaw their affairs. Reducing the Mahr to a symbolic amount without considering the societal and economic realities of today risks distorting its true purpose and value in Islamic marriage. 

Yet today, we live in an age of "what you see is not what you get"—where appearances often mask reality, even in marriage. In such times of uncertainty, the best guidance comes from the Qur’an’s timeless example: the marriage of Musa (AS). His story teaches us the true essence of sincerity, simplicity, and divine wisdom in marital bonds.

The Divine Blueprint for Mahr: Lessons from Musa (AS)

Long ago, in the sun-baked valleys of Madyan, a weary traveler—Musa (AS)—paused at a well, where he helped two women water their flock. Their father, a righteous old man, saw in him not just strength, but character. So he made Musa (AS) an offer—one that would redefine the essence of the bridal gift (Mahr) for generations to come:

قَالَ إِنِّي أُرِيدُ أَنْ أُنكِحَكَ إِحْدَى ابْنَتَيَّ هَاتَيْنِ عَلَىٰ أَن تَأْجُرَنِي ثَمَانِيَ حِجَجٍ ۖ فَإِنْ أَتْمَمْتَ عَشْرًا فَمِنْ عِندِكَ ۖ وَمَا أُرِيدُ أَنْ أَشُقَّ عَلَيْكَ ۚ سَتَجِدُنِي إِن شَاءَ اللَّهُ مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

"Indeed, I wish to wed you one of my two daughters, on the condition that you serve me for 8 years; but if you complete 10 years, it will be as a favor from you. And I do not wish to put you in difficulty. You will find me, if Allāh wills, from among the righteous." Surat Al Qasas 28:27

This wasn’t just a transaction; it was a covenant built on wisdom. Let’s break it down:

1. A Mahr of True Value—Not Just a Token

The bridal gift here was eight to ten years of labor—a substantial sum by any measure. Yet it wasn’t arbitrary; it reflected Musa’s (AS) ability to provide while honoring his future wife’s worth.

2. Achievable, Not Oppressive

The father ensured the terms were challenging but fair. Eight years was the minimum; ten was a voluntary act of excellence. This prevented marriage from becoming an impossible burden, unlike today’s inflated dowries that trap couples in debt before they even begin. The father assured Musa (AS) that: " I do not wish to put you in difficulty" which should be attitude of all believing parents who marry their children. 

3. A Solution, Not a Stumbling Block

This Mahr solved problems for both sides:

• The daughters gained a protector and helper.
• Musa (AS) gained a family and stability.
• The father secured an honorable man for his lineage.

Applying This Today: A Practical Model

Imagine a modern adaptation:

A groom agrees to pay his wife $5,000 US yearly (adjusted to his income) over 10 years ($50,000 total).

If divorce occurs, the remaining sum is owed—unless she willingly forgives part (or all) of it etc

Why This Works:

✔ Makes marriage accessible—No upfront financial crippling.

✔ Encourages responsibility—Weeds out unserious "boys" from committed men.

✔ Aligns with Quranic wisdom—The groom proves himself as Al-Qawwam (caretaker) through steady effort, not just a one-time payment.

The Bigger Lesson

The Mahr isn’t meant to be a burden or a trivial formality—it’s a sacred promise, a test of a man’s sincerity, and a means of security for the woman. When we reduce it to a symbolic action (or inflate it to a ransom), we lose its divine purpose.

Musa’s (AS) Quranic narrative is no doubt a guide to the believing communities around the world for all times and places.